Can AI Write a Better Ad Than I?
What Happened When I Put It to the Test:
An advertising copywriter, a few years back I wrote the following ad as a lark, with the thought that if you could make a strong case for buying “nothing” you could sell virtually anything. Whether or not it succeeds is another story.
But here’s the thing. With AI now threatening the livelihood of writers of all stripes, could it come up with a tongue-and-cheek ad like mine, one that perhaps could only derive from actual human experience?
To answer that question, I gave two AI bots the following instructions:
“Write an ad, including headline, subheads and text, that tries to sell the reader the benefits of buying nothing. It can use humor, irony, references to popular culture, but should contain real advantages to making this purchase. The price is $1 and comes with a moneyback satisfaction guarantee.”
So here goes: my ad followed by those that ChatGPT and Google Bard wrote.
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Mine:
NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, A PURCHASE THAT WILL NEVER FALL SHORT OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS:
NOTHING.
That's right, nothing. Upon receipt of your payment, we will not send you anything. No products, no services, not a blessed thing. In fact, we guarantee it.
Why, you ask, would I ever want to pay someone only to receive nothing in return?
Ah, the question is, why wouldn't you?
How many times have you ordered an item only to be disappointed when you got it...if you got it at all.
How often have you received damaged or ill-fitting merchandise you had to return for refund or replacement?
How quickly does the novelty of your purchases wear off leaving you unsatisfied and craving for more?
That will never happen when you order nothing!
Think of the other advantages nothing affords you.
For the first time, you'll know exactly what you'll get and when you'll get it. Nothing to wait for impatiently, nothing to take time off from work to receive. Send your order and it's filled immediately.
There's more. Lots more.
When you purchase nothing, there are no shipping and handling charges, no built-in obsolescence, no parts to wear out, break or replace, no items to get lost or stolen. As Bob Dylan said, "When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose."
Nothing is earth-friendly, too. It doesn't deplete our natural resources, doesn't require wasteful packaging to dispose of, doesn't clutter up the environment...or your life.
Act now and receive a bonus.
For a limited time we'll include—at no extra charge—absolutely nothing else. It's our way of saying thanks...for nothing.
Nothing makes a great gift, too. Simply include the names of your recipients (add payment for each, please) and we won't send them anything either. What a convenient way to let everyone know you're good for nothing!
Get nothing for next to nothing.
You can enjoy all of the above benefits for just a buck. Yes, a mere $1 to experience how richer your life will become when you aren't caught in an insatiable spiral of acquisitions, how free and unencumbered you'll feel when you spend your money on the one thing that will never be less than what it's cracked up to be.
Nothing.
OUR GUARANTEE: If for any reason you receive something, we'll gladly refund your payment, no questions asked.
Order now to receive instant delivery.
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Okay, here’s what ChatGPT came up with:
EMBRACE ZEN: BUY NOTHING, ACHIEVE EVERYTHING!
Find Bliss in Empty Wallets
Are you tired of being bombarded with flashy advertisements, tempting you to buy the latest gadgets and gizmos? Do you crave a life of simplicity and freedom from materialism? Look no further! Our revolutionary product is here to introduce you to the joy of buying nothing – and yes, you heard that right, absolutely nothing!
The Ultimate Minimalist Experience
Welcome to the world of minimalism, where less truly is more. With our Buy Nothing package, you'll unlock the secrets to living a clutter-free life, unburdened by unnecessary possessions.
Picture this: no more frantic shopping sprees, no more struggling to find space for impulse purchases, and no more buyer's remorse. Reclaim your inner peace as you break free from the shackles of consumerism.
Real Advantages of Emptiness
Still skeptical about the benefits of buying nothing? Let us enlighten you! When you buy nothing, you'll save money like never before. Say goodbye to those hefty credit card bills and hello to financial freedom. Instead of spending your hard-earned cash on fleeting material possessions, invest in experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.
Join the Buy Nothing Movement
Join the growing community of Buy Nothing enthusiasts who have unlocked the secrets of contentment. No more comparing yourself to the Joneses, because in this neighborhood, there's nothing to compare! Embrace the freedom of not chasing after the latest trends, and bask in the knowledge that you're reducing your environmental impact.
Money-Back Satisfaction Guarantee
You might be wondering, "What's the catch?" Well, we assure you there isn't one. For just $1, you can gain access to the Buy Nothing lifestyle and embark on a journey of self-discovery. And if you're not completely satisfied with this transformative experience, we offer a money-back guarantee. But honestly, who needs money when you have the priceless gift of enlightenment?
Don't hesitate! Embrace the paradox of buying nothing for only $1 and embark on a journey of freedom, simplicity, and inner peace. Seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to redefine your relationship with material possessions and discover the true value of living in the moment.
Take the first step towards your blissful, clutter-free future today!
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Finally, Google Bard:
BUY NOTHING AND SAVE THE WORLD (OR AT LEAST YOUR WALLET)
The one purchase that will change your life...for the better.
Are you tired of being a slave to consumerism? Do you feel guilty about all the stuff you buy that you never use? Do you want to help save the planet?
If so, then you need to buy nothing!
Save money, reduce your carbon footprint, and build stronger community ties.
Buying nothing is the ultimate way to reduce your consumption and live a more sustainable lifestyle. It's also a great way to save money and build stronger community ties.
When you buy nothing, you're not contributing to the problem of overconsumption. You're also reducing your carbon footprint and helping to protect the environment.
In addition, when you buy nothing, you're forced to be more creative and resourceful. You'll learn to find new ways to meet your needs without spending money.
And finally, when you buy nothing, you're building stronger community ties. You'll get to know your neighbors and learn to share resources.
So what are you waiting for? Buy nothing today!
Guarantee: We're so confident that you'll love buying nothing that we offer a money-back satisfaction guarantee. If you're not happy with your purchase, simply return it for a full refund.
The price of buying nothing is just $1. But that's a small price to pay for the many benefits that you'll enjoy.
So what are you waiting for? Click here to buy nothing today!
P.S. Don't forget, you can always get your money back if you're not happy with your purchase.
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So, am I toast or what? Would love to know what you think.
© 2023 Jerry McTigue
Jerry McTigue has written for major city newspapers and national magazines, is the author of seven books and a member of the American Society of Journalists & Authors (ASJA).
Wow, after reading all three of these, I can truthfully say that I intend to buy absolutely nothing! Three compelling cases, although I am slightly inclined to like the human one best. Maybe because I know the writer!
Jerry, this was great. Your ad was the best by far. As it turns out, this is an effective advt for your truly creative - and authentically human - writing talent!