A Heart to Heart Between Brain and Body
If you listen to your self-dialog, you can learn a few things.
Brain: Hey, Sleeping Beauty, the friggin’ alarm’s going off again. This is your third snooze. We gotta get going…
Body: Jeez, give me a chance. I can’t just pop out of bed like that. Not anymore…not like I used to…no…not like…not…like…
Brain: Hey! Enough! Wake up! I’m not joking with you. We got stuff to do. So haul your ass out of bed and let’s get moving. I’m stressing out up here!
Body: Okay! Chill. I’m trying. Agghh! This damn knee! Give me a break, will you? Remember, It was you who put me through all that midlife rebirth crap. You and your inflated ego, riding me like I was some big-shot jock—running, circuit training, pickup basketball, golf, swimming—who the heck did you think I was, Bruce Jenner?
Brain: Caitlyn Jenner.
Body: Caitlyn Jenner. But you wore me out, man. I’m down to bone on bone. And it hurts.
Brain: Aw, poor thing. C’mon, you loved every minute of it. Went all out, way beyond your age. Now you’re jealous because you’re an inflexible lump while I’m still sharp as a tack.
Body: Whoa, hold on there, are you kidding me? You? Sharp as a tack? Who can’t even walk into a room without forgetting what you came in for? Spare me, please.
Brain: Well, the point is, you were more than happy to start acting like you were 22 again.
Body: No. Wrong. You’ve got a short memory, whatever’s left of it. At 22 I was a mess, remember? Smoked, didn’t exercise, ate garbage, stayed out to all hours. Couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs without wheezing.
Brain: God, you’re right.
Body: In fact, I was in far better shape at 50 than I was then. And that’s no exaggeration.
Brain: How did we ever make it out of that crazy era? I cringe thinking about all the asinine things we did.
Body: Luck. Pure luck.
Brain: Eureka! You’re standing. And lo and behold, walking (albeit like a sloth). Come on, move it, I’ve got some pressing things to work on today.
Body: Yeah, well not before I have something to eat, and not before I do my warmups and stretches, else I’ll be like the Tin Man all day.
Brain: If you only had a brain, right?
Body: Ha, funny guy. And that was the scarecrow by the way. You know, I was thinking…
Brain: Uh-oh. Bad things happen when you do the thinking.
Body: No, listen. We should get one of those standing treadmill desks, you know, the ones that move real slow so when you’re working all day I’m not just sitting there like a useless slug, getting all stiff and numb.
Brain: I’ve got no problem with that. In fact, I get some of my best ideas when I’m not sitting at a desk, not splayed out on the couch…
Body: Great. Research those things on amazon today.
Brain: …but, I don’t think the lady of the house is going to react too kindly to having a piece of gym equipment in the living room. Bad enough we have an office there now.
Body: Ah, didn’t think of that. Okay, but do me a favor and get up once in a while so I can stretch my legs a bit, get a little circulation going. Like, you get so immersed you lose all sense of time. Meanwhile I’m dying down here.
Brain: Duly noted. I’ll keep that in mind.
Body: You will. I’ll make sure of it; shoot you a few aches and pains now and then; make my legs all fuzzy and useless.
Brain: Okay, I get it. So what do you want for breakfast?
Body: Well, I’ll tell you what I don’t want: those awful pop tarts you had a craving for yesterday. It was like eating cookies for breakfast.
Brain: It was. I’m well aware. And I didn’t crave them. It was just an experiment, a one-off. I read where 76 million people eat these things, so I wanted to see what all the fuss is about. See if they’re any improved since we had them as a kid.
Body: Worse, now that we care to know what’s in them. And don’t experiment with me. It’s my gut that pays the price for all that sugar, salt and God knows what chemicals and other junk they put in there.
Brain: Let’s see, 30 grams of sugar per serving. Ouch. And check this bit of chicanery: they make sugar the seventh ingredient, so if you didn’t know better you’d think it was minimal. Yet before sugar they list corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup and dextrose, all of which are…
Body: Sugar!
Brain: Bingo. So today, let’s go back to our usual steel cut oatmeal, mix in a little quinoa, farro…
Body: Now you’re talkin’.
Brain: …topped with fresh organic raspberries I got for a song at the street stand…
Body: Sweet.
Brain: …sprinkled with a few stevia crystals…
Body: Hey, stop yakking and let’s get to it; that stuff takes forever to cook and my stomach is already growling.
Brain: I can hear it.
Body: Meanwhile, let’s do some exercises while it’s cooking and that’ll be our reward.
Brain: Deal. Ya know, good things happen when we’re in sync. Which ain’t always, but we’re getting better at it.
Body: We are. But why did it take so long? Wish we knew some of this stuff when we were younger.
Brain: Yeah, but it wouldn’t have been half as fun.
Body: True that. Okay, let’s start with cat-cow. On all fours…breathe in for cow…out for cat…in for cow…out for cat…
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© 2023 Jerry McTigue
Jerry McTigue has written for major city newspapers and national magazines, is the author of seven books and a member of the American Society of Journalists & Authors (ASJA).